Lyrics:

Sixteen men on a dead man's chest!
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!

(Pirate Captain)
Avast there, mates! You're sailing with Long John Blackbeard Pegleg Patcheye Hook!
The scourge of the Bounty Main!
The bloodthirstiest, black-heartedest pirate captain ever sailed the seven seas!
Ha ha! What say ye, we hoist the Jolly Roger, heel over to yonder Spanish galleon
Lay a few broadsides again' her timbers,
Swing over there on these here lanyards with our cutlasses in our teeth
Cut out the rivets and split the booty!
What say ye to that, me hearties? Eh?

(Pirate)
I don't like it!

(Pirate Captain)
You don't like it?

(Pirate)
I don't like it and I don't wanna do it!
It's tacky! And don't look at me that way.

(Pirate Captain)
Well, if you don't like it, what do you want?

(Pirate)
I want to sing and dance
I want to sing and dance (Sing and Dance)
I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance
Wear me silver buckle slippers and me tight shiny pants
I want to sing and dance!

(Pirate Captain)
You wanna sing and dance? Hah!
Well, you don't like plunderin', eh? Shiver me timbers. How 'bout treasurin', huh?
Rubies and emeralds, pearls and gold doubloons! British soverigns, silver chalices encrusted with diamonds and jewels!
Necklaces and bracelets of every shape and size, fit for the crown heads of Europe, eh?
And all buried in a pirate's chest and I just happen to know where.
How 'bout that me bloodthirsty buckos! Ha ha ha!

(Pirate)
I don't like it!

(Pirate Captain)
You don't like it?

(Pirate)
I don't like it and I don't want it!

(Pirate Captain)
Ye don't want it.

(Pirate)
And I won't do it! I'm an artiste!

(Pirate Captain)
An artiste! Well, Mr. Artiste, what do you want?

(Pirate)
I want to sing and dance
I want to sing and dance (Sing and Dance)
I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance
Wear me silver buckle slippers and me tight shiny pants
I want to sing and dance!

(Pirate Captain)
Now listen here! This ain't no floating Gilbert and Sullivan show, you know!
For some little flittin' Tinkerbell!
This here be a black-hearted pirate ship
And I'd have you keelhauled if you weren't me own flesh and blood you little twit!
So you don't like plunderin', eh?

(Pirate)
I don't like it!

(Pirate Captain)
And you don't want no treasurin', huh?

(Pirate)
I don't want it!

(Pirate Captain)
Then you probably don't want no groggin' and revelin' and wenchin' and rummin' either, I suppose?

(Pirate)
Well, deep down, you wanna know the truth?
It's not me. I don't want it.

(Pirate Captain)
Well, what do you want?
As if I didn't already bleeding know...

(Pirate)
I want to sing and dance, and...

(Pirate Captain)
I know, I know! And wear your tight little shiny pants!
Ehh!
OK, we'll all sing and dance!

(Pirates grumble)

(Pirate Captain)
I said we'll all sing and dance!

(Pirates grumble)

(Pirate Captain)
Or you'll walk the plank!
1-2-3

(All)
I want to sing and dance
I want to sing and dance
I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance

(Pirate)
I like it, I like it!)

(Pirate Captain)
I kind of like it me own self

(Pirate)
I thought you would...

(All)
I want to sing and dance!
Sixteen men on a dead man's chest
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum

(Pirate)
I don't like rum

(Pirate Captain)
You don't like rum?

(Pirate)
Well, no. Actually, well, I might like a little Perrier.
With a lime in it.

(Pirate Captain)
A little Perrier with a lime in it.
He wants a lime in it!

(Pirate)
Well, do you have any escargot?

(Pirate Captain)
Escar-what?

(Pirate)
What's your soup today?

(Pirate Captain)
Soup?!

(Pirate)
Might have a bit of a salad, too.

(Pirate Captain)
Well, how about a bleeding fingerbowl?

(Pirate)
Maybe a croissant. Is that right? Those French make everything so hard! Why didn't they just call it a bun?