Lyrics:

My old man’s a sailor,
What do you think about that?
He wears a sailor’s collar,
He wears a sailor’s hat.
He wears a sailor’s raincoat,
He wears a sailor’s shoes.
And every Saturday evening,
He reads the Sunday News.
And someday, if I can,
I’m gonna be a sailor just like my old man.

My old man’s a anthropologist,
What do you think about that?
He wears an anthropologist’s collar,
He wears an anthropologist’s hat.
He wears an anthropologist’s raincoat,
He wears an anthropologist’s shoes.
And every Saturday evening,
He reads the Sunday News.
And someday, if I can,
I’m gonna be an anthropologist just like my old man.

My old man’s a Refrigerator Repairman,
What do you think about that?
He wears a Refrigerator Repairman’s collar,
He wears a Refrigerator Repairman’s hat.
He wears a Refrigerator Repairman’s raincoat,
He wears a Refrigerator Repairman’s shoes.
And every Saturday evening,
He reads the - Playboy.
And someday, if I can,
I’m gonna be a Refrigerator Repairman just like my old man.

(Spoken)
Tommy: What do you think about that? Boy you gotta be pretty sharp witted, slippery tongued to say things like that.
Dick: I tell you Tommy, you’re very glib.
Tommy: I certainly do.
Dick: Well here, I’ll tell you what my old man does.

My old man’s a Cotton Pickin’ Finger Lickin’ Chicken Plucker,
What do you think about that?
(Tommy: You better not make a mistake.
Dick: Let’s hope not)
He wears a Cotton Pickin’ Finger Lickin’ Chicken Plucker’s collar,
He wears a Cotton Pickin’ Finger Lickin’ Chicken Plucker’s hat.
He wears a Cotton Pickin’ Finger Lickin’ Chicken Plucker’s raincoat,
He wears a Cotton Pickin’ Finger Lickin’ Chicken Plucker’s shoes.
And –
(Tommmy: You’re lucky)
- every Saturday evening,
He reads the Cotton Pickin’ News.
And someday, if I can,
I’m gonna be a Cotton Pickin’ Finger Lickin’ Chicken Plucker just like my old man.