Lyrics:

(intro)
Olly: Hi uh as you know uh, we like to do allot of charity work
and so today we got uh, a special guest coming in. They're going
to send somebody down from uh the city Zoo as part of the uh,
Animal Awareness Week so uh
Sifl: Something we're just really proud of doing and we uh,
try to do it at least once a year

Sifl: No WAY, buddy, you're outta here! this is a nono nono

Panda Dude: I have to sing my tale to the panda!
Sifl: You can't sing... you're not a musician...don't let him do this!
Panda Dude: This next song is the new first song on our new album.
Olly: WHAT?!

Panda Dude:
This is not a rebel song... This is.. the PANDA! (oh)

After dark, the pandas stalk,
Nightmare creatures, with black hearts.
Ravenous teeth that glow in the dark,
Feasting on bums that sleep in the park!

The pandas are coming!
So hide under your beds!
The pandas are coming!
They'll rip your ass to shreds!

(Sifl: get out of the studio
Olly: yeah, get out of here, dude
Sifl: Hey, Pandaboy
Panda Dude: I SHAN'T!)

The panda is indeed the most mysterious of all creatures
(can somebody have him shaved)
Shrouded in the enigma of his black and white coat (what?!)
What kind of camouflage is this, black and white?
Hiding in an Oreo factory? Could be!
That's just another chapter in the ominous saga of the panda!

(Nooo!)

The pandas are coming
To rip off your head!
The pandas are coming
On a rampage of the dead!

(what the hell.)

Like the shark, the panda has millions of teeth-

(okay cut off the oxygen in the other room)

-Which it uses like a hacksaw to cut through bone, candy, and fences

(that's a lie)

-The Chinese believe that if you find a discarded panda tooth
You have the power to summon Godzilla

(wow!)

I'm drunk on panda mystery!!

The pandas are coming!
So hide under your bed!
The pandas are coming!
They'll rip your ass to shreds!

This has been chapter 1 in my ongoing songs about the panda,
which shall cease at number 820.
You will see me again, Mr. Sifl!

Sifl: Just get a clue.
Panda Dude: Get a PANDA!