Lyrics:

A fine romance with no kissesA fine romance, my friend, this isWe should be like a couple of hot tomatoes (to-mah-toes, dear)But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed po-tah-toes (potatoes)A fine romance, you won't nestleA fine romance, you won't even wrestleYou've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pantsYou never take a chance, this is a fine romanceA fine romance, my good fellowYou take romance, I'll take JelloYou're calmer than the seals in the Arctic OceanAt least they flap their fins to express emotionA fine romance, my dear DuchessTwo old fogies, we really need crutchesYou're just as hard to land as the Ile de France! (Fronce)I haven't got a chonce (chance), this is a fine romanceA fine romance, my good womanMy strong, aged-in-the-wood womanYou never give those orchids I send a glanceThey're just like cactus plants, (oh boy)This is a fine romance!