Lyrics:

I take whisky for my breakfast
To see me through the day
Just one little whisky
Helps me on my way
It clears my tubes, thins my blood
Clarifies my head
Just one little whisky
Then I go back to bed

I don't need no scrambled eggs
I don't need no bacon
A single malt is all I need
To stop my hands from shakin'

Some folks love their cornflakes
Others porridge oats
Shredded wheat or sugar puffs
Whatever floats your boat
If I have to eat grass for breakfast
This is the kind I choose
A little bit of barley
Converted into booze

I don't need no scrambled eggs...

Claudio Bernasconi
Lives in St Moritz
He cleans his teeth with whisky
And he very seldom spits
He swills it round and gargles
Then swallows it with glee
And then comes down for breakfast
And he has the same as me

I don't need no scrambled eggs...

I come from the land of Calvin
The Devil and John Knox
Where winter lasts for half a year
And we sleep in woolly socks
If I lived in southern lands
And woke up in the sun
I wouldn't need breakfast whisky
Well, maybe just the one.

I don't need no scrambled eggs...

When I come to Dufftown
I stay at Tannochbrae
Alan keeps some whisky
In an aerosol spray
He spreads a mist of whisky
Over my beans on toast
Then he squirts some on my tongue
And I like that the most

I don't need no scrambled eggs...

I don't need no scrambled eggs
I don't need no bacon
A single malt is all I need
To stop my hands from shakin'
To stop my knees from quakin'
To stop my bones from achin'
To stop my skin from flakin'
To stop my heart from breakin'
I take whisky for my breakfast
To see me through the day