Lyrics:

Listen, listen!

Here we go downtown
(garbled) ... all around
You can't stop (garbled)

KA-BLAMO!

You just won the lottery
That's ka-blamo!
You kissed Shannon Doherty
That's ka-blamo!
You joined a sorority
That's ka-blamo!
You lied about the lottery
NOT ka-blamo!

You met Fred Segal at a debutante's ball
You gave him your number, he gave you a call
He told you to meet him at the corner at eight
You met him at nine, that's right, you were late

You stupid idiot, you don't know what you missed
Fred Segal's a star, and you called dis
His pimping-ass cooling-ass Mack-ass building
With the ivy on the walls but not around the lettering

You dissed Fred Segal, and everybody knows
(ha ha ha ha ha) You're not ka-blamo.

The doc fixed your arteries
That's ka-blamo!
Your mouthwash is gargly
That's ka-blamo!
Your water is watery
That's ka-blamo!
I majored in pottery
NOT KABLAMO.

You're chilling with your dudes and then they stab you in the face
On the way to the hospital you're bleeding all over the place
Your leg is amputated 'cause you got gangrene
And then you get cancer and you die in your teens

But then this really pretty girl who you always really liked
Shows up to your funeral and that's a real mixed blessing.

Your jello is wobbly
That's ka-blamo!
You met Gilbert God-fer-y
That's ka-blamo!
You're Harlem Globetrotter-y
That's ka-blamo!
You watch the disorderlies
NOT ka-blamo!

When you're mining for coal and you forget what coal is
And you're sure to be fired, because that's your job!
When a mole's in your ass and you wonder where the mole is
You're screwed man, a mole is in your ass.

GOD

The meaning of life is revealed to you
And all of the drinks are old English brew
Your whim is the word of the people on earth
But the whole "mole in the ass" thing is haunting you.

When your fluids are bodily
That's ka-blammy
What happened to ka-blamo?
I mean ka-blamo!
Good, that's better.
That's ka-blammy!
Wait, I'm confused.
We said ka-blamo!

HARD.