Lyrics:

Allo, Allo, my names Terry and i'm a law abider.
Theres nothing i like more than getting fired up on beer,
and when the weekends here,
i exercise my right to get paraletic and fight.
Good bloke fairly.
But i get well lairy when geezers look at me funny,
bouncin' 'round like bunnies.
I'm likely to cause mischief,
good clean grief, you must believe
and i aint no thief.
Law abinding an' all, all legal.
Who cares bout my liver when it feels good.
What you need is some real manhood.
Rasha, rasha, bernie-casha
Puttin peoples backs up.
Public disorder, i'll give you public disorder,
i down eight pints and run all over the place,
spit in the face of an officer,
see if that bothers ya,
cos i've never broke a law in my life.
Some day i'm gonna settle down with a wife.
Come on lads lets have another fight.

Hello, my names Tim and i'm a criminal.
in the eyes society i need to be in jail,
for the choice of herbs i inhale.
This aint no wholesale operation.
Just a few eighths and some playstations my vocation.
I pose a threat to the nation,
and down at the station the police hold no patience.
Lets talk about space and time,
i like to get deep sometimes and think about einstein and karl jung,
and old kung fu movies i like to see,
pass the hydrator please.
Mmm..yea, i'm floatin on thin air,
goin to amsterdam in the new year,
top gear there.
Cos i take pride in my hobby.
Homemade bongs using my engineering degree.
'Dear Leaders, Please legalise weed for these reasons...'

Like i was sayin 2 him, i told him.
fuck with me and you wont win,
so i smacked him in the head and downed another carling.
Bada bada bing, for the lads like.
Mad fight. His face is a sad sight
vodka and snakebite.
Goin on like a right geeze, he's a twat!
Shouldnt have looked at me like that!
Anyway...I'm an upstanding citizen.
If a war came along i'd be standing on the front line with them.
Can't stand crime either,
them 'ooligans on 'eroin.
Drugs and criminal.
Those thugs are the pinacle of the downfall of society
ive got all the anger pent up inside of me

No. I don't see why i should be the criminal.
How could something with no recorded fatalities be illegal?
And how many deaths are there per year from alcohol?
I just completed gran turismo on the hardest setting.
we pose no threat on my settee
Oh, the pizza's here. will someone let him in please?
We didnt order chicken. Not a problem we'll pick it out.
I doubt they meant to mess us about.
After all we're adults not lads.
As I was sayin we're friendly peaceful people.
We're not the ones out there causing trouble.
We just sit in this hazy bubble with our quarters,
discusing how beautiful gail porter is.
MTV BBC2 Channel 4, is on til 6 in the morning,
then 6 in the morning the sun dawns and its my bed time.

Causing trouble?! Your stinkin rabble boys sayin i'm the one thats spoilin it
Your on drugs!
Really bugs me when people try and tell me i'm a thug,
just for getting drunk! i like getting drunk.
I'm an upstanding citizen,
if a war came along i'd be on the front line with them

Now Terry. Your repeating yourself,
but thats ok, drunk people can't help that.
A chemical reaction happening inside your brain
causes you to forget what your saying.

What? I know exactly what i'm saying!
I'm perfectly sane, you stinkin student lamo.
Go get a job and stop robbin' us of our taxes.

Erm, well, actually, according to research.
Government funding for further education,
pales in insignificance when compared to how much they spend on repairing,
lairy drunk people every weekend in casualty wards,
all over the land.

Why you cheeky lil swine!
Come ere! I'm gonna batter ya!
Come ere!