Lyrics:

He's been roundin' off bolts, since the age of fourteen
Was that a five eighths or a nine sixteenths?
He's got a metric socket, that don't quite fit
Well, it'll wiggle just a little but it ain't quite stripped
The safety guard's gone from his grinding machine
He got a stiff paint brush, he only kinda got clean
He's the hired man, my neighbor and a cousin in law
He's a jerry riggin' fool, he got the tool for the job

Well, it's vise grips for pliers, and pliers for a wrench
A wrench for a hammer, hammers everything else
It just don't seem, to make much difference
I sure do like him, but he's hard on equipment

His corners ain't square, and his floor ain't level
And he's always had trouble with the old tape measure
His doors don't close, 'cause the jamb ain't plumb
And he's a Goddamn menace with an air nail gun
They love to see him comin' at the lumberyard store
Fixed the leak in his roof with a two by four
Drilled holes in his boards, with the wrong kinda bit
And when they don't line up, he blames the government

Well, it's vise grips for pliers, and pliers for a wrench
A wrench for a hammer, hammers everything else
It just don't seem, to make much difference
I sure do like him, but he's hard on equipment

He got the whole front yard, full of fix 'em up cars
Three don't run and the rest won't start
Everything's fine with his rebuilt motor
Except, of course for the couple spare washers left over
Baler wire tie downs goin' down the road
On two bald tires and an oversize load
He ain't never read a manual 'cause that's like cheatin'
He don't mind a little grease on his hands while he's eatin'

Well, it's vise grips for pliers, and pliers for a wrench
A wrench for a hammer, hammers everything else
It just don't seem, to make no difference
I sure do like him, but he's hard on equipment

No, it just don't seem, to make much difference
I sure like you son, but you're hard on equipment

He's got busted up knuckles
His thumb got bruised
Jesus Christ, was a carpenter, too