Lyrics:

(HeatonRotheray) This is my life and this is how it reads For every chapter, a thousand memories A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease Diary entry 9th of May '62 We've had some ugly babies but none were quite like you Diary entry '62 end of May It looks as if the nose and chin are definitely here to stay They're here to stay, they're here to stay If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking I'm a failure You are, you are And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted And I'm a failure You are, you are, you are (I am) You are, you are, you are (I am) This is my life and this is how it reads A documentary that nobody believes Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze' Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese Diary entry '68 end of the year A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear 11th December '68 Captain's log Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog It's due to fog, it's due to fog If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking I'm a failure You are, you are And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted And I'm a failure You are, you are, you are (I am) You are, you are, you are (I am) This is the play, it was I who wrote the script Terry meets June in 'Tales from the Crypt' It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped They later found him scolding a banana Diary entry 10th of April '89 The world is going mad but me I'm doing fine I'm doing fine Back to bed, back to reality