Lyrics:

(HeatonRotheray) Well sitting in a bar alone where no-one knows your name is like laying in a graveyard wide awake You're scared that if you cough or yawn you might wake up the dead So pretend to read a paper or just drink instead I'm a stand-up comedian but I'd sit down if I could The world just seems to want folk like me to stand And the punch-lines seem to disappear like clouds across the sky And the laughter could be real or could be canned Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liar's Bar Well living with a lying man could never really hurt But living with a drunk well no-one deserves And you're looking for your husband you're not sure he's still alive Don't bother with the cemetery he'll be down at liar's dive I'm a travelling businessman I just stopped in for one drink You'll find that I'm not like the other men Their noses are red whilst mine is only pink And they didn't choose their drink their drink chose them Rum by the kettle drum Whiskey by the jar At Liar's Bar And the grave-digger's smiling at his reflection in his spade He's visiting the seediest the shallowest of graves The vocal chords of elephants and the characters of mice They're singing