Lyrics:

Wanted to have some quality time with my son
So I brought him down to the fishing hole
Didn't like the feeling of that worm in his hand
Got mad, threw down his fishing pole
I said 'That's alright, son let's go and get an ice cream
Let your old man buy you a treat.'
But he didn't like no flavors up upon that wall
Started crying and ran into the street

He's an asshole
My kid's an asshole
I swear, it just don't float my boat
Always crying, always crying
Made me want to punch him in his little throat

Called my lady up to tell her what had happened
How our son had run away
She said don't worry baby, I will talk to him
And everything will be okay

My lady's an asshole
She's an asshole
Her assholishness is off the charts
Always perfect, always perfect
Made me want to punch her in her lady parts

I decided I'd go down to the bar
And drown my sorrows in a beer
The sign outside said closed for renovations
We'll open up again next year

That bar is an asshole
It's an asshole
Oh, the worst bar in the land
Always closing, always closing
Can't punch a bar cause you'll hurt your hand

I went home to forget about my troubles
Sat down in my favorite easy chair
But I couldn't relax for the pain I was feeling
As my hemroid began to flare

My asshole's an asshole
A real butthole
He should put his asshole self in check
Always burning, always itching
Makes me want to punch him in his asshole neck

Late one night, lying awake in bed
A realization came
Are there really asshole's everywhere I look
Or am I the one to blame?
Maybe I just do not say the things I should say
And I don't do the things I ought
So I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror
And this is what I thought:

The guy who sold me this mirror's an asshole
He's an asshole, son of a bitch said it was antique
He was lying, he was lying
Made me want to punch him in his salesman cheek

I'm on a real asshole streak
I could open up an asshole boutique
I think this song has reached it's peak
Goodbye, you assholes, see you next week