Lyrics:

I'm a Christmas unicorn
In a uniform made of gold
With a billy goat beard
And a sorceror's shield
And a mistletoe on my nose

Oh I'm a Christian holiday
I'm a symbol of original sin
I've a pagan tree and magical wreath
And a bowtie on my chin

Oh I'm a pagan heresy
I'm a tragic-al Catholic shrine
I'm a little bit shy with a lazy eye
And a penchant for sublime

Oh I'm a mystical apostasy
I'm a horse with a fantasy twist
Though I play all night with my magical kite
People say I don't exist

For I make no full apology
For the category I reside
I'm a mythical mess with a treasury chest
I'm a construct of your mind

Oh I'm hysterically American
I've a credit card on my wrist
And I have no home nor field to roam
I will curse you with my kiss

Oh I'm a criminal pathology
With a history of medical care
I'm frantic shopper and a brave pill popper
And they say my kind are rare

But I've seen others in the uniform
Of a unicorn just like me
We are legions wide and we chose no sides
We are masters of mystique

For you're a Christmas unicorn
I have seen you on the beat
You may dress in the human uniform, child
But I know you're just like me
I'm a Christmas Unicorn! (Find the Christmas Unicorn!)
You're a Christmas Unicorn too!
It's all right. I love you.

I'm a Christmas Unicorn! (Find the Christmas Unicorn!)
You're a Christmas Unicorn too!
It's all right. I love you.
(repeated)