Lyrics:

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to meIs finding a Christmas treeThe second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:Angry husband:Rigging up the lightsAnd finding a Christmas treeThe third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to meMan getting over being drunk:HangoversRigging up the lightsAnd finding a Christmas treeThe fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to meExhausted man:Sending Christmas cardsHangoversRigging up the lightsAnd finding a Christmas treeThe fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to meFive months of bills!Sending Christmas cardsHangoversRigging up the lightsAnd finding a Christmas treeThe sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:Nervous wife:Facing my in-lawsFive months of bills!Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!HangoversRigging up these lights!And finding a Christmas treeThe seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:Nervous wife's husband:The Salvation ArmyFacing my in-lawsFive months of bills!Sending Christmas cardsOh, geez!I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!And finding a Christmas treeThe eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:Whining kid:I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!Charities,And whataya mean 'YOUR in-laws'?!?Five months of bills!Oh, making out these cardsHoney, get me a beer, huh?What, we have no extension cords?!?And finding a Christmas treeThe ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to meA tired father:Finding parking spacesDADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!D