Lyrics:

She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee Her dress has got a tear She waltzes on her way to Mass And whistles on the stair And underneath her wimple She has curlers in her hair I even heard her singing in the abbey She's always late for chapel But her penitence is real She's always late for everything Except for every meal I hate to have to say it But I very firmly feel Maria's not an asset to the abbey I'd like to say a word in her behalf Maria makes me laugh How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? How do you find a word that means Maria? A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown! Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her Many a thing she ought to understand But how do you make her stay And listen to all you say How do you keep a wave upon the sand Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand? When I'm with her I'm confused Out of focus and bemused And I never know exactly where I am Unpredictable as weather She's as flighty as a feather She's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb! She'd outpester any pest Drive a hornet from its nest She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl She is gentle! She is wild! She's a riddle! She's a child! She's a headache! She's an angel! She's a girl! How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? How do you find a word that means Maria? A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown! Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her Many a thing she ought to understand But how do you make her stay And listen to all you say How do you keep a wave upon the sand Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?