Lyrics:

A Fine Romance My Good Fellow.
You Take Romance, I'll Take Jello.
You' Re Calmer Than The Seals In The Arctic Ocean,
At Least They Flap Their Fins To Express Emotion.

A Fine Romance With No Quarells,
With No Insults And All Morals,
I've Never Mussed The Crease In Your Blue Serge Pants,
I Never Get The Chance; This Is A Fine Romance!

A Fine Romance With No Kisses,
A Fine Romance My Friends This Is,
To Lack Half The Thrills That A Healthy Crime Has,
We Don't Have Half The Thrills That The March Of Time Has.

A Fine Romance With No Clinches,
A Fine Romance With No Flinches,
You're Just As Hard To Land As The Ile De France,
I Haven't Got A Chance.
My Heart Isn't Made Of Plastic, You're The Reason I'm Sarcastic; 'cause This Is A Fine Fine Romance!