Lyrics:

Well, we're living here in Allentown
And he's driven our lives into the ground
When we woke up, we were wasted and drunk
Phil got shot, we got beaten by a monk

I was happy and my life was good
Gettin' married like a dentist should
Roastin' marshmallows on a stick
I got fucked in the ass by a girl with a dick (I do remember that!)

And we're livin' here in Allentown
But they're takin' Teddy's finger now
And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose my shit
And shoot Allen in the face
And shoot myself

You totally butchered that song
You totally butchered my life