Lyrics:

Dear Abby,
Got a problem...

I'm a decent, underpaid, hard-working county coroner
It's important that my family eats meat at least three times a week
But we just can't afford to with prices the way they are
So I bring home some choice cuts from my autopsy subjects

Just mix in the Tuna Helper and ta-da!
Dear Abby,
Got a problem...

The whole family things my new meals are delicious
They ask me "what's your secret?" Abby, I think they're getting suspicious
My smart-ass eight year old keeps asking "Where's all the meat?"
The red dye #2 kind that's kept in the fridge

If they find out the truth, I don't think they'll understand
Abby, what do I tell my family?

Dear Reaganomics victim,
Consult your clergyman
Make sure the body's blessed
And everything should be just fine.