Lyrics:

Well, I thought about the army
Dad said, "Son, you're fucking high"
And I thought, "Yeah, there's a first for everything"
So I took my old man's advice
Three sad semesters
It was only 15 grand
Spent in bed, I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a mustache and a mullet
Got a job at Chick-Fil-A
Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in May
And in June reformed without me
And they got a different name
I nuked another Grandma's apple pie
And hung my head in shame, no

Been thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today

Oh, think I'll write a screenplay
Oh, think I'll take you to L.A.
Oh, think I'll get it done yesterday
Aw, shit

In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
"God, please spare me more rejection"
'Cause my peers, they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels

Thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today
I thought about the army