Lyrics:

THE SCOTSMAN Bryon Boyers (Dr. Demento's 20th anniversery tape) Well a scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair And one could tell by how he walked that he drank more than his share He fumbled around until he could no longer keep his feet Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street Ring-ding-diddle-diddle hai-dee-ho ring-di-diddly-ai-oh He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye See yon sleeping scotsman so strong and handsome built I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt Ring-ding-diddle-diddle hai-dee-ho ring-di-diddly-ai-oh I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt She crept up on that sleeping scotsman as quiet as could be And lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see And there behold unto their view beneath his scotish skirt Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth Ring-ding-diddle-diddle hai-dee-ho ring-di-diddly-ai-oh Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth They marveled for a moment than one said we must be gone Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow Around the bonny star the scot's kilt did lift and show Ring-ding-diddle-diddle hai-dee-ho ring-di-diddly-ai-oh Around the bonny star the scot's kilt did lift and show Now the scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gasps at what he sees And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes Och lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize-acap