Lyrics:

She was the worst looking woman to ever grace this county
And I was the lonliest man in the whole damn world
But I had me a fool-proof plan
That I learned from my old man
I knew right soon she'd be my kind of girl

I admit at first I didn't even want that woman near me
She looked like she'd been beaten up with a rake
But as I gulped down another round
I said Hey, woman, hang around
You're gettin better looking with every drink I take

'Cause I can drink any woman pretty
Just give me a bottle and a little time
She may look like an ugly old heffer right now
But one more round and that woman's gonna look just fine

She was worse than Oprah Winfrey when I first me her
She had floppy ears and a big old busted nose
It was kinda hard to ignore that woman's crooked and yellow teeth
And them slobby old smelly mismatched dime-store clothes

But Johnnie Walker spiced up her wardrobe
And Mervyn's straightened out that busted nose
A couple of vodka shots added a little bit of dental work
Next thing you know I'm sitting next to Marilyn Monroe

'Cause I can drink any woman pretty
Just give me a bottle and a little time

She may look like an ugly old heffer right now
But one more round and that woman's gonna look just fine
(Repeat)