Lyrics:

Hey, man, what are you really into, huh? (Giggles)

(sung)
The elusive butterfly has just tiptoed past my door,
My buddy likes the Yankees, she says, 'Hey T-Bone, what's the score?'
And I say, 'Well, Reggie got 1 in 1 in 3 and 25 is 6 to 4.'
Is the left wing really pinko? Colonel Sanders, what a bore!
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
Is this schizoid paranoia or just existential blues?

The amenities of life have been chasing my soul,
And my mind is transcendental and I'm losing all control,
And I'm sinking in the quagmire of illusions and Thoreau.
I cry out, 'My name is T-Bone!' and a hound dog digs a hole.
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies or just existential blues?

Sailing, sailing, what is illusion? What is true?
Sailing, sailing, over the existential blues.
God bless America and Old Glory too!
May she always wave o'er us with the red white and existential blues!
Hey ba-ba-de-ba-ba-da-ba-da-bom ba-de-bom-ba-de-bom
Dang-a-dang-dang ding-existential blues.
Hey, you can do what you want but lay off my existential blues!
My blue suede existential blues!

(monologue)
I was on a quest
To dream the impossible dream
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah doo-dah,
I was walking down the road, I was looking for the truth of life
When I came across all these little people, little people, little people all around me.
They looked up at me and said, 'Hey mister, are you tall?'
I said, 'Yes, I'm tall, but who are you weird little whiners?'
And they looked up at me with their big red bloodshot eyes and said:

We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids,
We are the lollipop kids... and we'd like to welcome you to Munchkinland! (They laugh)

I said, 'Hey! Hey, weird little whiners, I'm on a quest'
To dream the impossible dream
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah doo-dah,
I said, 'Hey kids, I'm looking for the truth of life, where do I go, who do I see?'
They said, 'Slow down mister, in order to find the truth of life one must see... THE WIZARD!'
I said, '... THE WIZARD?
Well, where does this Wizard, old wise one, live?'
They said, 'You see the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill?'
I said, 'Yes, I see the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill;
There's a big dark forest between me and the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill,
And a little old lady on a Hoover vacuum cleaner going
'I'll get you, my little pretty, and your little dog Toto too!'
I don't even have a little dog Toto.'

Such predicaments, I must forge ahead
To dream the impossible dream
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah doo-dah,
I must find the truth of life.
I said, 'But you know kids, I can handle a big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill,
I can handle a dark forest,
I can handle the little old lady,
But that's a very strange road you're sending me down!
I've seen yellow stripes in the middle of a road before,
But kids, er, never quite that wide!'
All right, tighten your shorts, pilgrim, and sing like the Duke.

Follow the yellow brick road (Come on),
Follow the yellow brick road (Everybody sing),
Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road.
If ever a wonderful wiz there was, the Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because,
Because of the wonderful things he does!
La-la-la-la-la-la-la ha ha!
We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz! (Laughter)

Well, I got a little bit tired of walking down the road one day, doo-dah doo-dah
A little bit tired of walking down this old blinding yellow road,
So I pulled my little tired body off to a little rest area,
And lo and behold there's a little field of little red flowers out there,
And they (breathes in) smelled so good, whoa,
I was gettin' pretty tired and they smelled so good,
And I figured, well I'll just stretch out in this little field of
POPPIES! (poppies-poppies-poppies-poppies...)
(He coughs) Hey, what a strange dream, man, you know, er,
The little red flowers that smell awfully good and I was very tired
And the old wizard's just gonna have to wait, man,
Because I'm just gonna stretch out again in this little field of
POPPIES! (poppies-poppies-poppies-poppies...)
Oh, God! (oh-god-oh-god...)
Dorothy?! (dorothy-dorothy...)
Dorothy?! (dorothy-dorothy...)
Confidence in herself, man (confidence in herself, man)

Along came this old man in a green El Dorado II, screeched to a halt:
A little short man with a big red nose, toking a bottle of Yukon Jack,
Strolled up to me and said, 'Hey son.'
I said, 'Old man, don't bother me: poppies poppies poppies...'
He said, 'T-Bone!'
I said, 'Wait a minute, this man knows my name, he must be... THE WIZARD!'

You must be the Wizard,
The Wizard of Oz;
Why have you come to haunt me,
O Wizard of Oz?

I said, 'Oh Wizard, old wise one, I have been on a quest
To dream the impossible dream
Walking down the road one day, doo-dah doo-dah,
And I met these little people, we are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids,
Follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow,
I got tired, poppies! (poppies-poppies-poppies-poppies...)
Little old man, I've been through hell!'

He said, 'Hey son, slow down, relax.'
I said, 'But Wizard, old wise one, I have come so far to find the truth of life!'
He says, 'Hey son, slow down, relax, 'cos er, to tell you the truth, son...'
I said, 'Wizard, that's what I've come to find is the truth.'
He said, 'No, no, no, son, you've got me all wrong, heh heh,
To tell you the truth, son... er... how can I tell you this? Er...
I've been in this field of poppies a long time myself,
And I've come to find, son, that the only truth in life is right here in this bottle.'
I said, 'Wizard!'
He said, 'No, truly, son,
In fact I'd rather have this bottle in front of me than... A FRONTAL LOBOTOMY!'

How profound, Wizard!

(sung)
Some girl with psychic power, she said, 'T-Bone, what's your sign?'
I blink and answer, 'Neon!', I thought I'd blow her mind.
She's reading Moby Dick by some fruitcake named Herman;
She's chomping on a knackwurst, was the duchess really German?
You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
Is this really Butte, Montana, or just existential blues?
Really Butte, Montana?
Is this Plato's heebie-jeebies?
Is this schizoid paranoia?
(eerie noises)
La-la-la-la-la-la-la, existential blues!