Lyrics:

The Count has an eye on his ankle
And lives in a horrible place
He wants all your money, he's never at all funny
He wants to remove your face

And you might be thinking what a romp this is
But wait 'til you meet his accomplices
When you see Count Olaf, you're suddenly full of
Disgust and despair and dismay

In the whole of the soul
Of Count Olaf there's no love
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero
Then scream and run away!
Scream, scream, scream and run away

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die

Two women with powdered white faces
And one long-nosed bald man with warts
Things worsen and worsen, there's a hook-handed person
And others with nastier parts

This evil and unpleasant crew
Complete Count Olaf's acting troupe
The goal of Count Olaf is getting control of
The fortunes of urchins and orphans, hooray

I mean, horrors, Count Olaf
Is no laughing matter
When you see Count Olaf, count to zero
Then scream and run away!
Scream, scream, scream and run away

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die