Lyrics:

If you want to write a good song,
Make sure that the tune is very strong,
And the words are very clear, the backing very near,
Then you will have a good song.

Then you'll have to make a demo disc,
It'll cost a bit but it's worth the risk,
An hours will cost ten pound in New Central Sound,
Now you have got a demo disc.

Now you'll want to place it with a star,
First find out who their agents are,
But don't send it by post, or it'll end up lost,
Go yourself if it's not too far.

Alright let's take it now, heel to toe,
Heel to toe now, toe to heel.

Oh the agent will put the demo on,
And pace the room while listening to the song,
But before the middle eight, he'll say it's getting late,
And tell you that it's good but far too long.

Next you try the record company,
The A&R men are the chaps to see,
For they're always looking round for a brand new sound,
Some even have a hit eventually.

Alright now, you all know what to do now,
Heel to toe.

Then you try the small-time big-time men,
Who manage little beat groups by the ten,
And in their Knightsbridge flat, they will tell you that,
It's a gas but maybe not my scene.

Now you've taken it around,
And all the record traders turned it down,
But don't put it on the shelf, record the song yourself,
And if it doesn't make the charts,
Then maybe it's just not a good song.