Lyrics:

There`s questions we`re always hearing every where we go
Like how do I cut a record or get on a country show
Well, it takes more than just ambition and three chords on an old guitar
There`s a few more thing you ought to learn to be a country star.


You have to learn to sing like Waylon or pick like Jerry Reed
Yodel like Jeannie Shepard write songs like Tom T
Put a cry in your voice like Haggard learn Spanish like Johnny R
Whisper like Bill Anderson and you`ll be a country star.


Play piano like Ronnie Milsap or Gilley or Jerry Lee
Yo-yo like Roy Acuff or talk plain like Ralph Emery
Growl like Conway Twitty get a red white and blue guitar
Build a swimming pool like Webb did and you`ll be a country star.

Be tall like Sonny James or tell jokes like Minnie Pearl
Be short like Jimmy Dickens or play five-string like Earl
Get a hip band like Willie learn to stutter like M-Mel
Get a cap like Roy Clark wore or a voice like Barbara Mandrell.

Be rich like Eddy Arnold say you`re making more than you are
Get a gimmick like Charley Pride got and you`ll be a country star.

But if you have no talent and you`re not a male
If you`re built somewhat like Dolly or have a face like Crystal Gayle
Come back stage and ask for Harold, Phil, Don or Lou
And we`ll see you auditioned for the Statler Brothers Review...