Lyrics:

There's questions we're always hearing, everywhere we go
Like, 'How do I cut a record or get on a country show?'
Well, it takes more than just ambition, and three chords on an old guitar
There's a few more things you ought to learn to be a country star
You got to learn to sing like Waylon or pick like Jerry Reed
Yodel like Jeannie Shepard, write songs like Tom T
Put a cry in your voice like Haggard, learn Spanish like Johnny R
Whisper like Bill Anderson, and you'll be a country star
Play piano like Ronnie Milsap, or Gilley or Jerry Lee
Yo-yo like Roy Acuff, or talk plain like Ralph Emery
Growl like Conway Twitty, get a red, white and blue guitar
Build a swimming pool like Webb did, and you'll be a country star
Be tall like Sonny James is, tell jokes like Minnie Pearl
Or be short like Jimmy Dickens, or play five-string like Earl
Get a headband like Willies, learn to stutter like M-Mel
Get a cap like Roy Clark wore, or a voice like Barbara Mandrell
Be rich like Eddy Arnold, say you're making more than you are
Get a gimmick like Charley Pride got, and you'll be a country star
But if you have no talent and if you're not a male
If you're built somewhat like Dolly, or have a face like Crystal Gayle
Come back stage and ask for Harold, Phil, Don or Lou
And we'll see you get auditioned for the Statler Brothers review