Lyrics:

I was takin' a trip out to L.A. toolin' along in my Chevrolet Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio Just as I crossed the Mississippi line I heard that highway starting to whine And I knew that left rear tire was about to go

Well, the spare was flat and I got uptight
'Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight
So I just limped down on the shoulder on the rim
I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car
It was right in front of this little bar
Kind of a redneck lookin' joint called the Dew Drop Inn

Verse 2:
Well, I stuffed my hair up under my hat
And told the bartender that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one
There was one thing I was sure proud to see
There wasn't a soul in the place 'cept for him and me
And he just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone
I called up a station down the road a way
And he said he wasn't very busy today
And he could have somebody there in just about 10 minutes or so He said, 'Now, you just stay right where you're at' And I didn't bother to tell the durn fool that I sure as hell didn't have any place else to go

Verse 3
I'd just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in , said, 'Who owns this car
With the peace sign, the mag wheels and four on the floor?' Well, he looked at me and I damn near died And I decided that I'd just wait outside So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door Just when I thought I'd get out of there with my skin These three big dudes come a strollin' in With this one old drunk chick and some fella' with green teeth And I was almost to the door with the biggest one Said, 'You tip your hat to this lady, son' And when i did all that hair fell out from underneath

Verse 4
Now the last think I wanted was to get in a fight
In Jackson, Mississippi, on a Saturday night
'Specially when there was three of them and only one of me
But they all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I'd better think of something pretty quick
So, I just reached out and kicked old 'Green Teeth' right in the knee Now, he let out a yell that would curl your hair But before he could move I grabbed me a chair And said, 'Watch him folks, 'cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man Well, you may not know it, but this man's a spy He's an undercover agent for the FBI And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Klu Klux Klan'

Verse 5
He was still bent over, holdin' on to his knee
But everybody else was lookin' at and listenin'' to me
And I laid it on thicker and heavier and I went
I said, 'Would you believe this man has gone as far
As tearin' Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars
And he voted for George McGovern for president
Well, he's a friend of those long-haired, hippie-type pinko fags And I'll bet you he's even got a commie flag Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage He's a snake in the grass, I'll tell you guys He may look dumb, but that's just a disguise He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage

Verse 6
They all started lookin' real suspicious at him
And he jumped up and said, 'Just wait a minute, Jim,
You know he's lyin', I've been livin' here all of my life
I'm a faithful follower of brother John Birch
And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church
And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife' Then he started sayin' somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed But I didn't wait around to hear the rest I was too busy movin' and hopin' I didn't run out of luck And when I hit the ground I was makin' tracks And they were just takin' my car off the jacks So I threw the man a twenty and jumped in and fired that mother up

Verse 7
Mario Andretti would've sure been proud
Of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd
Comin' out the door and headed toward me in a trot
And I guess I shoulda' gone ahead and run
But, somehow, I just couldn't resist the fun
Of chasin' them all just once around the parking lot
Well, they headed for their car, but I hit the gas
And spun around and headed them off at the pass
I was slingin' gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air Well, I had them all out there steppin' and fetchin' Like their heads were on fire and their asses was catching' But I figured I'd better go ahead and split before they cops got there

When I hit the road I was really wheelin',
Had the gravel flyin' and rubber squeallin'
And I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas.
Well, I think I'm gonna reroute my trip,
I wonder if anybody would think I've flipped if I went to L.A. via Omaha