Lyrics:

Performed by Adam Sandler and Allen Covert

Richie: 'So ya doin' good?'
Samantha: 'Ya, I'm fine, how 'bout you?'
Richie: 'How good could I be? I haven't seen you in three hours.'
Samantha: 'Ohhh, Richie. Hey Richie, my dad's down the hall, and he doesn't want me on the phone. So if I hang up on you, it's just because he's coming.'
Richie: 'Ok. So look, uh, do you wanna meet at the Spring Fling Dance thi...'
[She hangs up phone]

[Phone rings]
Richie: 'Hello?'
Samantha: 'Sorry, I thought he was coming.'
Richie: 'That's ok. So, about the dance. Do you wanna meet
Samantha: 'Umm, well my brother gets the car on Friday nights.'
Richie: 'Well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. Lets say around...'
[She hangs up phone]
Richie: 'Come on..'

[Phone rings]
Richie: 'Hey.'
Samantha: 'Sorry. I guess he was just going to the bathroom.'
Richie: 'That's ok. Well look, uh.. what was I saying? Oh yeah, should I pick you up at like seven-thirty or maybe do you wanna go later when the dance is really kickin..'
[She hangs up the phone again]
Richie: 'Give me a break...'

[Phone rings]
Richie: 'Hello.'
Samantha: 'Sorry. It was just my dog.'
Richie: 'Hey, what's your dad's problem anyways!? Why can't we talk?'
Samantha: 'He just thinks I'm on the phone too much. Oh my God, uh, I gotta go.'
Richie: 'Don't hang up!'
Samantha: 'Richie, I can't talk!'
Richie: 'No, I'm sick of this! Put your dad on the phone! I wanna talk to him.'
Samantha: 'It's not my dad.'
Richie: 'What? Well, who's there? Why can't you talk?'
Samantha: 'Uh, just look Richie, someone is here.'
Richie: 'Who's there? Is it a guy!?'
Samantha: 'Richie!'
Richie: 'I knew it! I'll kill him! Put him on the phone!'
Samantha: 'oh.. it's just.. hold on.'

[Hands phone to guy]
Richie: 'Hey man! What the hell are you doing there!? Samantha's my girl!
You'd better stay away from her or I'll make you wish you were never born!'
Buffoon: 'Fuckin' shit!'
Richie: 'Yeah, fuckin' shit is right buddy! Don't think I'm kidding around, man! I'm crazy! I'll smash your head in! I swear to God!'
Buffoon: 'One time I saw my Grandmother in the shower. Her bush starts above her belly button.'
Richie: 'Yeah, well that's too bad! But I'm still gonna come over there and beat your face in!'
[Richie slams down phone]

Samantha: 'What happened? Was he mad?'
Buffoon: 'My neighbor's dog has a four inch clit!'
Samantha: 'Oh Buffoon, you're the coolest.' [Whispering] 'I love you...'