Lyrics:

I'm off to the ladies, she's off to the gents...
A curious relationship.
It'll end in tedium or it'll end in bed.
We're commonly crossed legged but regally spread.

We're like the carpet-burned knees of desire
Both of us are blushing
Both of us are skint (again)
Get up and throw another plug on the fire
Don't blow a hole in the royal mint
(These suckers are skint)

You can fool some people all the time
And you can suffer fools some of the time
You can even fool all the people
All of the time...
But you cannae kid yourself

You're the main attraction
And you'll get your hands on her
Off to the trough and the cubicle
To get pharmaceutically full of yourself

I'm pushing my boat out
To greet your ship coming in

Don't kid yourself
You're the main attraction
That I won't get my hands on her
Between the trough and the cubicle
Just stop for a bloody good look at yourself...

I'm pushing my boat out
To greet your ship coming in

Between the trough and the cubicle
You sure made a bloody good fool of yourself