Lyrics:

Well, I took me a woman late last night,

I's three-fourths drunk, she looked uptight.

She took off her wheel, took off her bell,

Took off her wig, said, 'how do I smell? '

I hot-footed it . . . bare-naked . . .

Out the window!


Well, sometimes I might get drunk,

Walk like a duck and stomp like a skunk.

Don't hurt me none, don't hurt my pride

'cause I got my little lady right by my side.

(right there

Proud as can be)


I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed

When a can a black paint it fell on my head.

I went down to scrub and rub

But I had to sit in back of the tub.

(cost a quarter

And I had to get out quick . . .

Someone wanted to come in and take a sauna)


Well, my telephone rang it would not stop,

It's president kennedy callin' me up.

He said, 'my friend, bob, what do we need to make the country grow? '

I said, 'my friend, john, brigitte bardot,

Anita ekberg, sophia loren.'

(put 'em all in the same room with ernest borgnine!)


Well, I got a woman sleeps on a cot,

She yells and hollers and squeals a lot.

Licks my face and tickles my ear,

Bends me over and buys me beer.

(she's a honeymooner

A june crooner

A spoon feeder

And a natural leader)


Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' so heavy,

I got a woman who works on the levee.

Pumping that water up to her neck,

Every week she sends me a monthly check.

(she's a humdinger

Folk singer

Dead ringer

For a thing-a-muh jigger)


Late one day in the middle of the week,

Eyes were closed I was half asleep.

I chased me a woman up the hill,

Right in the middle of an air raid drill.

It was little bo peep!

(I jumped a fallout shelter

I jumped a bean stalk

I jumped a ferris wheel)


Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote,

He's a-runnin' for office on the ballot note.

He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple,

Tellin' me he loves all kinds-a people.

(he's eatin' bagels

He's eatin' pizza

He's eatin' chitlins

He's eatin' bullshit!)


Oh, set me down on a television floor,

I'll flip the channel to number four.

Out of the shower comes a grown-up man

With a bottle of hair oil in his hand.

(it's that greasy kid stuff.

What I want to know, mr. football man, is

What do you do about willy mays and yul brynner,

Charles de gaulle

And robert louis stevenson? )


Well, the funniest woman I ever seen

Was the great-granddaughter of mr. clean.

She takes about fifteen baths a day,

Wants me to grow a cigar on my face.

(she's a little bit heavy!)


Well, ask me why I'm drunk alla time,

It levels my head and eases my mind.

I just walk along and stroll and sing,

I see better days and I do better things.

(I catch dinosaurs

I make love to elizabeth taylor . . .

Catch hell from richard burton!)