Lyrics:

When I got to the party they gave me a forty
And I must have been thirsty, cause I drank it so quickly
When I got to the bedroom, there was somebody waiting
And it isn't my fault that the barbarian raped me

When I went to get tested I brought along my best friend
Melissa Mahoney (who had once been molested)
And she knew how to get there; she knew all the nurses
They were all very friendly, but the test came out positive

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh I just sent a letter in the mail

When I got my abortion I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour before the appointment
And outside the building were all these annoying
Fundamentalist Christians; we tried to ignore them

I've had better days but I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

When vacation was over, the word was all over
That I was a crackwhore; Melissa had told them
And so now we're not talking except we have tickets
To see Blur in October and I think we’re still going

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh, I just got a letter in the mail

Oasis sent a photograph it's autographed and everything
Melissa's gonna wet herself I swear