Lyrics:

When I got to the party, they gave me a forty
And I must have been thirsty 'cause I drank it so quickly
When I got to the bedroom, there was somebody waiting
And it isn't my fault that the barbarian raped me

When I went to get tested, I brought along my best friend
Melissa Mahoney (who had once been molested)
And she knew how to get there, she knew all the nurses
They were all really friendly but the test came up positive, uh-oh

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh I just sent a letter in the mail

When I got my abortion I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour before the appointment
And outside the building were all these annoying
Fundamentalist Christians; we tried to ignore them, oh-oh

I've had better days but I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

When vacation was over, the word was all over
That I was a crack whore - Melissa had told them
And now we're not talking, except we have tickets
To see Blur in October and I think we're still going, oh-oh

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh I just got a letter in the mail
Oasis sent a photograph it's autographed and everything
Melissa's gonna wet herself I swear