Lyrics:

Colin Zeal knows the value of mass appeal
He's a pedestrian walker, he's a civil talker
He's an affable man with a plausible plan
Keeps his eye on the news, keeps his future in hand

And then he
Looks at his watch he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, so pleased with himself, he's
Pleased with himself ah ah.

While sitting in traffic, Colin thinks in automatic
He's an immaculate dresser, he's the common aggressor
He's a modern retard with a love of bombast
Keeps his eye on the news never dwells on the past

And then he
Looks at his watch he's on time yet again
He's pleased with himself, so pleased with himself, he's
Pleased with himself ah ah.

He's a modern retard, he's a terminal lard,
He's an affable man with a carotene tan because Colin Zeal is ill.