Lyrics:

(Hank Card) We'd like to set the record straight by singing of the newt For newts are open-minded; they are flexible and cute A newt can breathe in water and a newt can breathe on land And if you are a different critter newts will understand Newts are not mean-spirited; they never are unfair Newts are not underhanded and are not afraid to share Newts do not have bad haircuts because newts are lacking hair But the newt called Gingrich drives all true newts to despair Gingrich the Newt's a disgrace to the name When true newts see him they feel so ashamed He's the black sheep of the newt family The one rotten fruit on the newt family tree Newts don't prey on other newts; in that they don't believe And you will never catch a newt with something up his sleeve They're tolerant to different environments and so They don't sen little newties to the orphanage to grow What kind of newt wears a suit and a tie And frightens small children as he rushes by? But we admit that his suit suits him good Much more discreet than a sheet and a hood A newt may be cold-blooded but he won't go to extremes And you can trust a newt to be exactly what he seems Newts are sorry if you're sad; they're happy if you're gay But Gingrich is perverse, and worse He's proud to be that way Gingrich the Newt is puffed up like a toad So full of himself that he's bound to explode And then we'll raise up our tails in salute A fitting tribute To that horse's patoot Gingrich the Newt