Lyrics:

Everywhere I go, someone's trying to be my girlfriend's best friend
I'm tryin' to pretend I'm relaxed, but I'm playing castanets with my knees
I try to be cool and give her space
But a guy's always there, ready to jump right up and take my place
Everyone in this room seems to wanna make a big fool out of me

Everybody, open your mouth (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody, just say 'Ah' (Ah ah ah ah)
Everything will be alright if you play along

Everywhere I go, there's someone in a trench coat, staring at me
When I'm not at home, I'm sure someone's rummaging through my trash
Whatever could they want from me?
Is it just a part of a giant government conspiracy?
I gotta go see my doctor about this itchy pentagram-shaped rash

Everybody, open your mouth (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody, just say 'Ah' (Ah ah ah ah)
Everything will be alright, this won't hurt at all (Turn it up)
Everybody, get in line (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody, turn and cough (Ah ah)
Everything will be alright if you just lay off

Dictate a memo to myself
Try to find if I'm the only one in complete health
Consult contemporaries, if there are some to see
There really isn't anyone who's in my league
(My league...)

Every night at Elaine's, someone thinks they've got a fine bead on me
I try to take three deep breaths, as I lock and arm my minivan
Everyone says I'm lookin' great
But it's hard to stand up, let alone to try to concentrate
I wish that everyone that I knew hadn't sold out to the man

Everybody, open your mouth (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody, just say 'Ah' (Ah ah ah)
Everything'll be alright, this won't hurt at all
Everybody, get in line (Everybody, everybody)
Everybody, turn and cough (Ah ah)
Everything will be alright if you just lay
Everything'll be alright if you just lay (Ah ah)
Everything'll be alright if you just lay off (Ah ah ah...)