Lyrics:

Today's, uh, August 4th, 1982.
I'm really bored and there was some dead animals that we played with.
There was a Weed-Wacker...we stole two of them.
A cop car was on fire.
My friend Scott, he was running and he, uh, slipped on a Twinkie.
And his nose was covered with blood...
The security helicopter shot a spotlight...
Somebody pulled their pants d...