Lyrics:

FZ--vocal
Ike Willis--guitar/vocal
Ray White--guitar
Steve Vai--stunt guitar
Tommy Mars--keyboards
Bob Harris--keyboards
Arthur Barrow--bass
Vinnie Colaiuta--drums/vocal

FZ: Well it's contest time ladies and gentlemen. Direct from Madison, Wisconsin, it's the Madison Panty-Sniffing Festival, just as promised.
Vinnie: Cough!
FZ: Heavy duty?
Guy From The Audience: Did it taste good?
FZ: Maroon nylon heavy duty. Okay . . . Light blue cotton with tiny skid . . . . That's getting him very excited because it appears that the bottom parts of those pants are welded together. Okay let's try this, alice blue nylon . . .
Vinnie: These smell like the same ones I had last night.
FZ: For those of you who didn't hear he says those smell like the same ones he had last night. Did you like them? You don't like those?
Vinnie: Maybe they are, maybe she's following us around.
FZ: Black nylon!
Vinnie: Ooooohhhh please!
FZ: Black nylon, re . . . e-hem, registring a 19 on the Richter scale.
Vinnie: Oh, God . . . gotta keep on . . . hah hah, it's fuckin' disgusting!
FZ: These are very light blue and apparently have come in contact with some corrosive material that has eaten the bottom out of it.
Vinnie: China syndrome.
FZ: What?
Vinnie: China syndrome!
FZ: Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha! Awright, rustic hokey pokey, model number thirteen.
Vinnie: Oorhh, nehh. (hack, hack)
FZ: Blue with the little embroidered things on the front.
Vinnie: This smells like armpits. Ugh . . .
FZ: Okay who wins? Those belong to Chuck Eldridge.
Ike: Hi.
FZ: Sorry.