Lyrics:

On a Tuesday afternoon
My mom came into my room
And said, 'Get the fuck up outta bed
And get a goddamn job'
So I told her, 'Hey, hey, fuck you Mom'
And I threw the phone at her head
But I missed and hit her in the snatch
So I slammed the door in her face

Don't ever barge in my room
Or I'll kick your ass and call the cops
And tell them I'm abused
And you'll wind up in jail
While I snowboard in vail
No one to post your bail
'Cause Daddy loves me more
He says that you're a -

You're worthless, you're lazy, you're stupid
A little overweight
Now give me twenty bucks
Mommy, you're so worthless, you're lazy, you're stupid
A little overweight
Now give me twenty bucks
No, make it fifty bucks

Now Mom writes me letters
I write return to sender
Let her rot there in her cell
I watch the dogs mate on her bed

Sorry Mom, I had to pawn
The china, silver, and all your jewelry
I had to eat
And rent a bunch of prostitutes like you

You're lazy, you're stupid
A little overweight
Now give me twenty bucks
Mommy, you're so worthless
You're lazy, you're stupid
A little overweight
Now give me twenty bucks
No, make it fifty bucks

No, make it sixty bucks
Make it seventy-five
Why don't you just give me your whole goddamn purse
I hope you're having fun rotting in jail
Maybe I'll come visit you
Nah!

Enjoy your stretch in jail
How's your Olympia?