Lyrics:

When the crisp white snow is falling
And wassailing time is near
Then keep the red wine flowing
And drink to all that's dear
Hey, this is a good party, Eric!
It is, innit? Drink up, Ern, drink up
Let me drink first of all to my dear old mother
Who gave me her loving care
If I lived again I'd not find another
Gem so priceless and rare
Hey, Eric?
Yeah, what?
I've had five cherry brandies already
Have ya?
Yeah
It's done you good
D'you think so?
It's brought the colour back to your cheeks, Ern
Hey, what are you doing?
What?
You're not drinking port by the pint, are you?
Why not?
Well, I mean, you should have something with it
I have. I've got a lemon in me pocket
When the crisp white snow is falling
And wassailing time is near
Then keep the red wine flowing
And drink to all that's dear
Just a moment
What?
What on Earth are you drinking now?
I've had four Advocaats
No, you can't have had
Yes, I've had four Advocaats
No, we haven't got any Advocaat
No? What have I been drinking then?
Custard
You've been drinking the custard
When the crisp white snow is falling
And wassailing time is near
Then keep the red wine flowing
And drink to all that's dear
Just a moment. Drink a toast to who?
To all our neighbours
Oh no, I object. I'm not drinking to my neighbours
What's wrong with your neighbours?
The next door, that's what's wrong with them
That fat old bat next door
Is it a man or a woman?
You can never tell with her
And I'll tell you something else
What's she been doing then?
If her Alsatian starts digging up my garden again
I'm going to give her a quick wassail right up the bracket
Are you really? But what's wrong with
Her Alsatian digging up your garden?
I've only got a window box
No flowers in it now, you know
Just seven bones sticking up
Come on, Ern, sing up another chorus
No, no, I can't, I feel a bit umpty
I don't feel well, I'll have a lie down, I think
I'll do it then
You do it
When the crisp cornflakes are flowing
And Beaujolais's half-a-crown
And the crisps have got no salt on them
And there's a tavern in the town

Just a moment. Who's that big idiot with the low voice?
That's Dick
Can I thump him?
No, you mustn't
Why not?
He's bigger than you
I'll tell you what, let me thump you, 'cause you're littler
Why do you get so aggressive when you've had a couple of drinks?
Who gets aggressive?
You do
I don't
Ooh, what was that?
Merry Christmas, Ern
Ooh, what was that for?
Happy New Year
Oh, so that's your attitude
Ooh, what was that?
Merry Easter, then
Ooh, what was that one?
Bank Holiday
Ooh, what was that?
Whitsun
Ooh, what was that?
I can't think of one
Seventh Day after Trinity would be a good one for that
Ooh, what was that?
Seventh Day after Trinity
Good, that. Hey, now that we're in a good mood, let's
Go out in the street and thump people that we meet
Yeah, we'll wish them a thumping good Christmas
I feel a little bit poorly
Yeah, I don't feel so good