Lyrics:

And no, I'm not on steroids
A lot of people say, "Really?
I don't think there's any way you could be that funny without enhancement creams"
And I'm like, "No, this is natural, I work out, I hit the gym, yesterday, I did ankles"
I think pro athletes should be forced to use steroids
I think we as fans deserve the greatest athlete science can create
Let's go
Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher
I have high definition TV, I want my athletes like my video games
Let's go
I could care less if you die at 40
You hate life after sports anyway
I'm doing you a favor
We got athletes like Randy Moss and T.O., Terrell Owens
People get upset, you sit on your couch and you say horrible things
"Oh, hey buddy, why don't you just do your job?
Just do your job, quit celebrating so much"
His job is to catch a ball
It's really not that serious
But I don't care if he gets in the end zone and has a ten-minute tea party
Just don't get mad at me, though
When you're paralyzed from the neck down
Being carted off the field 'cause some free safety took your head off
And you see me in the stands going
"Ooh-ooh-ooh, oh, yes! Dance now, you overpaid clown, huh
How does it feel to know God hates you?"
Don't worry, maybe VA will sponsor a vegetable
Yeah, I love defense
You want points on the board, move to Indianapolis
See what that gets you
Three points in a championship game
And seven months to explain your quarterback
The NBA, oh
If I hear one more person say how the NBA got a black eye because Ron Artest got in a fight
The Detroit Pistons versus the Pacers, the big brawl
If you could promise me, every game would end like that
I would be a season ticket holder in a heartbeat
Are you serious?
I'm gonna have to fight at the end of the game?
Let's go, it sounds awesome
A cup of water hit Ron Artest and he went crazy
I don't like to do jokes about stereotypes
But we all know basketball players can't swim very well
All I'm saying is that water might have hit him, he panicked
He thought he was drowning, what are you gonna do?
You head for higher ground
A fat white kid gets in your way
You fucking knock his ass out
He grew up with a pool, thank you
Yeah, it's a theory, it's probably wrong
My favorite new sport is poker, oh, I love it
Poker, it's a sport, what?
It was gambling three weeks ago
Oh, now it's a sport
Hey, dad, why am I not going to college?
Well, I'm a shitty athlete, that's why
I had pocket rockets, he needed runner-runner
Goddamn it, that river fucked me
Loan me 50 bucks, kid
If poker's a sport, put it in the Olympics
And you can only play with what your country's worth
How great would that be, being Americans?
Looks like Costa Rica's all in with 15 coconuts
Yeah, we're gonna call, mm-mm
Hasta luego, small blind
Shouldn't have limped in