Lyrics:

Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien


'And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian.'

Valedictorian: 'I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement.'

Buffoon: 'This movie sucks shit!'

Valedictorian: 'Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly.'

Buffoon: 'Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!'

Valedictorian: 'Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?'

Buffoon: 'I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off.'

Valedictorian: 'Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process.'

Buffoon: 'That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head.'

Valedictorian: 'Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it.'

[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: 'This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it.'
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]

Valedictorian: 'Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank.'

Buffoon: 'I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!'

Valedictorian: 'It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.

Buffoon: 'My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!'

Valedictorian: 'It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism.'

Buffoon: 'I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl.'
[Gets out of the car]

Valedictorian: 'Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion.'
[Buffoon walking away]
'I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue.'

Buffoon: 'I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!'

Valedictorian: 'Bye bye! Have fun.'
[Buffoon continues to walk away]