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F.Z. The Adventures of Greggery Peccary.**lf****lf**G.P Oh here comes Greggery, little Greggery Peccary,**lf** The nocturnal gregarious wild swine.**lf****lf**F.Z. A Peccary is a little pig with a white collar that usually**lf** hangs around between Texas and Paraguay.**lf** Sometimes ranging as far west as Catalina,**lf****lf**G.P. Catalina, Catalina, Catalina.**lf****lf**F.Z. This particular Peccary, is part of that bold,**lf****lf**G.P. Bold**lf****lf**F.Z. New**lf****lf**G.P. New,**lf****lf**F.Z. Bread,**lf****lf**G.P. Breading**lf****lf**F.Z. That extinguishes itself by a wide tie directly below the**lf** white collar.**lf****lf**G.P. If it''s wide enough, everyone will know, that the tie I''m**lf** wearing is a symbol of how nimble my mind will go.**lf****lf**F.Z. Swank Swavay**lf** Look out here he comes again.**lf****lf**G.P Whoa, here comes Greggery Peccary**lf** Yes it''s great he came.....???**lf****lf**F.Z. Every morning Greggery drives his little red Volkswagen,**lf** to the ugly part of town, where they keep the government**lf** buildings.**lf****lf**G.P. voodn, voodn.**lf** Boy, it''s so hard to find a place to park around here.**lf****lf**F.Z. Greggery Peccary takes the elevator up to the 83rd floor of a**lf** grim, grey, evil-looking building with a sign on the front**lf** reading ''BIG SWIFTY AND ASSOCIATES...TREND MONGERS''.**lf** And what might you ask is a TREND MONGER?**lf** Well a TREND MONGER is a person, who dreams up a trend, like**lf** ''THE TWIST'', or ''FLOWER POWER''.**lf** And spreads it throughout the land using all the frightening**lf** little skills that scientists made available.**lf** And so it was one fateful morning Greggery Peccary made his**lf** way through the steno pool.**lf**G.P. Hi Mildred, Hello Gladys. Wanda!**lf****lf**F.Z. Yes, from the moment they laid eyes on him all the girls in**lf** the Big Swifty steno pool knew here is a nocturnal gregarious wild**lf** swine on his way up. A Peccary of destiny adventure and**lf** romance.**lf****lf**G.P. Is there any mail for me?**lf****lf**Stenographers: Swifty''s, this is big swifty''s.**lf** At Big Swifty''s we all know. You''ll go for any gimmick or**lf** gizmo.**lf**G.P. Wouldn''t you rather be involved in a**lf** wasting trends.**lf****lf**F.Z. Air hockey.**lf****lf**Stenographers: La La La La La La La La Yo Yo Yo Yo**lf****lf**G.P. Is you''re wife snoring by the sink?**lf****lf**Stenographers: La La La La La La La La Yo Yo Yo Yo**lf****lf**G.P. Ain''t your life boring, don''t you think?**lf****lf**Stenographers: Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo**lf****lf**G.P. Life is so much better when there''s some little something to**lf** do.**lf****lf**F.Z. Does it matter that this waste of time is what makes a**lf** life for you.**lf****lf**G.P. I must plummet boldly forward to my ultra-avant laminated**lf** simulated replica mahogany desk with the strategically placed,**lf** imported very hip water pipe, and the latest edition of the**lf** ''Whole Earth catalog'', and rack my agile mind for a**lf** spectacular new trend, thereby rejuvenating our limping**lf** economy and providing for bored miserable people everywhere,**lf** some great new thing to identify with.**lf****lf**Stenographers: We have got all the little answers to the things**lf** that might be bothering you.**lf****lf**G.P. We have got your little toys.**lf** (We''re busy makin'' ''em)**lf****lf**Stenographers: Busy makin'' ''em.**lf** Where is he making them.**lf****lf**G.P. Busy making them, just for you.**lf** Highly efficient Mrs Snodgrass.**lf****lf**F.Z. And with that, Greggery turned & strode nonchalantly into his**lf** dinky little office, with the desk, and the catalog, and the**lf** very hip water pipe, and proceeded with a vigor and**lf** determination know only to piglets of a similarly diminutive**lf** proportion to single-handedly invent the calendar. With his**lf** eyes rolled heavenward, and his little shiny pig hoofs on the**lf** desk, Greggery ponders the question of eternity, and**lf** fractional divisions thereof, as mysterious angelic voices,**lf** sing to him from a great distance, providing the necessary**lf** clues for the construction of his new thrilling new trend.**lf****lf**G.P. Sunday, Sunday, whow.**lf** Sunday, Saturday, Tuesday through Monday, Monday.**lf** Sunday, Saturday.**lf****lf**F.Z. And thus the calendar, in all of its colorful disguises, was**lf** presented to the board and miserable people everywhere.**lf** Gr**lf** the steno pool identified with it strenuously, and worshipped**lf** it as a way of life, and tool their little pills by it, and**lf** went back and forth from work by it, and paid their rent by**lf** it, and before long they were even having birthday parties in**lf** the office by it. Because now at last, Greggery Peccary''s**lf** exciting new invention had made it possible for everyone to**lf** find out how old they were.**lf****lf**G.P. What hath GOD wrought?**lf****lf**F.Z. Unfortunately, there were some people who simiply did not wish**lf** to know, and that''s why on his way home from the office one**lf** night, Greggery was attacked by a rage of hunchmen. Making**lf** his way through the evening traffic, Greggery notices that the**lf** other vehicles which crowd and bump his little red car, are**lf** all inhabited by slowly aging very hip young people. They**lf** appear to be casting sinister glances toward him, through**lf** their glinting, acid burnout eyeballs, trying to run him off**lf** the road, or make him bump into something, giving strong**lf** evidence of hostile aggression. To elude them, Greggery takes**lf** the ''Shot Forest'' exit off the expressway. They zoom after**lf** him in all manner of cars, trucks, garishly painted busses,**lf** and motorcycles.**lf** Greggery takes a bumpy trail off the main short forest road,**lf** which leads him up the side of a famous and conveniently**lf** placed mountain. And into a strange cave, on the edge of a**lf** cliff, not far from a little twisted tree with eyes on it.**lf** Meanwhile the enraged hunchmen, and hunchwomen, rumble through**lf** the short forest until realizing that the little swine has**lf** escaped.**lf** They decide to park their steaming vehicles in a circular**lf** pseudo-wagon train formation and have a Love-In. Under the**lf** influence of a fantastic amount of trendy chemical amusement**lf** aid, they proceed to perform lewd acts. Rip each other off of**lf** small personal possessions and dance with depraved abandon in**lf** the vicinity of a six foot pile of transistor radi**lf** tuned to a different station.**lf****lf**G.P. What!**lf****lf**F.Z. The hunchman finally expire from exhaustion, and Greggery who**lf** has viewed the proceedings from a safe distance, breathes a**lf** sigh of relief.**lf****lf**G.P. Phew!.**lf****lf**F.Z. Only to be terrified once again by a roar of immense laughter.**lf** Which seems to be rumbling up from the very depths of the cave**lf** in which he has hidden his car.**lf****lf**G.P. Good Lord, what was that?**lf****lf**F.Z. Greggery doesn''t realize he is concealed himself inside the**lf** very mouth of Billy The Mountain. And as you all know,**lf** whenever Billy laughs, rocks and boulders hack up**lf** and the air for miles around is filled with tons of dust**lf** forming a series of huge brown clouds.**lf****lf**G.P. Who is making those new brown clouds?**lf** Who is making those clouds these days,**lf** Who is making those new brown clouds,**lf** Better ask the philostopher and see what he says**lf****lf**F.Z. Greggery stops at a gas station and makes a mysterious phone**lf** call.**lf****lf**G.P. Is this the old loft with the paint pealing off it, by the**lf** chinese police, where the dogs roll by? Is this the where**lf** they keep the philostophers now with the rugs and the dust,**lf** where the books go to die? How many yez got, says yez got**lf** quite a few just sitting around there with nothing to do.**lf** Well I just called yez up cause i wanted to see can the**lf** philostopher be some assistant to me?**lf****lf**F.Z. Greggery receives information that the greatest living**lf** philostofer known to man kind is currently in possession of**lf** the very information in question. And furthermore this**lf** information could be his if only Greggery would attend a**lf** special therapeutic group assembly. Classes now forming and**lf** available at a special low low introductory fee and now here**lf** he is the greatest living philostofer known to man kind**lf** Quenton Robert DeNameland. Take it away.**lf****lf**Quenton: Folks, as you can see for yourself, the way this clock**lf** over here is behaving, time is of affliction. Now this**lf** might be cause for alarm among**lf** certain experience, I tend to proclaim. The eons are closing.**lf****lf**F.Z. Make your checks payable to Quenton Robert deNameland greatest**lf** living philostofer known to man kind.**lf****lf**G.P. Who is making those new brown clouds?**lf** Who is making those clouds these days,**lf** Who is making those new brown clouds,**lf** If you ask a pholostopher he''ll see that you pays