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Lyrics:
* Frank Zappa - lead guitar, vocals * Ray White - rhythm guitar, vocals * Eddie Jobson - keyboards, violin, vocals * Patrick O'Hearn - bass, vocals * Terry Bozzio - drums, vocals * Ruth Underwood - percussion, synthesizer * David Samuels - timpani, vibes * Randy Brecker - trumpet * Mike Brecker - tenor saxophone, flute * Lou Marini - alto saxophone, flute * Ronnie Cuber - baritone saxophone, clarinet * Tom Malone - trombone, trumpet, piccolo * Don Pardo - vocals
FZ: And now folks, it's time for Don Pardo to deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement. Take it away, Don!
DON PARDO: This is a true story about a famous criminal from right around Chicago. This is the story of Michael Kenyon, a man who's serving time at this very moment for the crime of armed robbery. It so happens, that at the time of these robberies, Michael decided to give his female victims a little enema --apparently, there was no law against that. But his name lives on --Michael Kenyon, THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT!
The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard he's on the loose I heard he's on the loose Lord, the pitiful screams Of all them college-educated women He'd just be tyin' 'em up (They'd be all bound down!) Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard it on the news I heard it on the news Bloomington Illinois He has caused some alarm Just sneakin' around there From farm to farm He's got a rubberized bag And a hose on his arm Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump
The Illinois Enema Bandit One day he'll have to pay Some day he'll have to pay
The police will say, 'You're under arrest!' And the judge would have him for a special guest Then the D.A. will order a secret test Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest Then they'll put out a call-yooou! for the jury folks (That's you over there) And the judge would say: 'No poo-poo jokes!' Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see, Sayin' 'Don't nobody, no no, have no sympathy Hot soapy water in the first degree!' And then the Bandit might say: 'Why is everybody lookin' at me?'
Did you cause this misery? Well, did you cause this kinda misery? Well, did you cause this misery? Well, one girl shout: 'Let the Bandit be!'
Bandit, are you guilty? Bandit, are you guilty? Tell me now, what's your plea? Another girl shout: 'Let the fiend go free!'
Are you guilty? Bandit, did you do these deeds? Come on, now! He said: 'It must be just what they all need...' 'It must be just what they all need...' (That's right!) 'It must be just what they all need...' (Over there) 'It must be just what they all need...' (Help me out now!) 'It must be just what they all need...' (That's right) 'It must be just what they all need...' ... He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be... hey!
Talkin' bout the Illinois... Illinois... Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana... ha! Ain't talkin' 'bout Po-head-otated... ha! (I'll try again...) Potato Headed Bobby Talkin' 'bout the Illinois Enema Bandit Yeah-yeah- yeah!
FZ: Wait a minute, this is for Roy Estrada, wherever he's
Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema An enema Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema An enema I wanna-wanna-wannan-enema Eh... Take it away!
The Illinois Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit) The Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit) The Enema Bandit Talkin' bout the Illinois Enema Bandit...
(...It can't happen here!) Juice!
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