Lyrics:

Hello. My name is Lisa Popeil. Ha ha. Ever seen
one of these? My father who's filthy rich made
this. It's a Pocket Fisherman, ha ha. And he also
made the Veg-O-Matic, which works about as
well. And then there's always my brother
Ronnie of Ronco. I'm sure you've heard of him.
He has all those commercials that go on and on
and on and on AND ON AND ON and on
and on, I know.

Now I'm here to tell you my life story
When I was young
I was a skinny neurotic bitch
(Doo-doo-da-dee-ha!)
But it didn't matter
(E-eh-e-eh-e-eh-e-eh-eh!)
Because the ego was so large
It didn't matter that I hadn't done nothing
Or seen nothing in my life, ow!
Trapped in a sexless body I always knew
(Ha ha ha ha-ha-ha)
That I was an oversexed hussy
So my next task was to find someone who could
Satisfy my every desire
(Da-da doo-dood da ba dad-dood
Da-dood-dad-dood da-dood-da-da)
Unfortunately I lacked the basic essentials
So I went out to get me some
Of what I needed all along
A pair of titties just like mom
(Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!)
I went to a Catholic school
With all those nerds
I swear a good Catholic girl
Can't go anywhere these days
Well, then there was a quest for the perfect hunk
I spell that h-u-n-k, hunk