Lyrics:

Frank:
My name is nando
I'm a marine biologist
All my friends
They call me 'doh'

Ike & mike:
Hi, doh!

Frank:
All my family
From someplace in this area
And they complain if I talk about this horrible pizza
During the show

All:
Come out here, to californy
Just to find me some pretty girls
Ones I seen gets me so horny
Ruby lips, 'n teeth like pearls

Wanna love 'em all, wanna love 'em dearly
Wanna a jellyfish, I'll even pay
I'll buy 'em furs, I'll buy 'em pizza
I know they like me, here's what I'll say:

(1971:)

Jimmy carl black:
I'm lonesome cowboy burt
Speakin' atcha!
Won'tcha smell my fringe-y shirt?
Reekin' atcha!
My cowboy pants
My cowboy dance
My bold advance
On this here waitress..

Mark & howard:
He's lonesome cowboy burt. a-ha!
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt

Jimmy:
Come on in this place
An' I'll buy you a taste
You can sit on my face
Where's my waitress?

Mark & howard:
Burtram, burtram redneck!
Burtram, burtram redneck!

Jimmy:
I'm an awful nice guy
Worked all day in the sun
I'm a roofer by trade
Quite a bundle I've made
I'm a unionized roofin' old son-of-a-gun

Mark & howard:
He's a unionized roofin' old son of a gun!

(1988:)

Ike:
'Darling, I crazy go nuts when I hear this
You know what I'm sayin'?'

Frank:
When I get off, I get plastered
I swim till I fall on the jellyfish
Then I find me some academic kind of illustrator
I describe the little dangling utensils on this thing
And tell him to draw it up
So it looks just like a brand new jellyfish

Ike & mike:
(Trying to follow along, they sing some gibberish)

Frank:
'Take that! take that!'
I fuss an' I cuss and I keep on swimmin'
Till my snorkel puffs up an' turns red
I drool on my shorts
I do some water sports
Then I take the jellyfish back to my house
And stick it in the bed! 'sorta...'

Ike & mike:
'Whaddya do?'
Stick it again in the bed!

Frank:
'That's right!

Ike & mike:
Stick it again in the bed!
Stick it again in the bed!
Stick it again in the bed!

(1971:)

Jimmy:
Lonesome cowboy burt
Speakin' atcha!
Smell my fringe-y shirt
Reekin' atcha!
My cowboy pants
My cowboy dance
My bold advance
On this here waitress!

Mark & howard:
He's lonesome cowboy burt. yee-ha!
Don'tcha get his feelings hurt!

Jimmy:
Come on in this place
An' I'll buy you a taste
You can sit on my face
Where's my waitress?

'Opal, you hot little bitch!'