Lyrics:

FZ--lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal
Ike Willis--rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Mike Keneally--rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
Bobby Martin--keyboards, vocal
Ed Mann--vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
Walt Fowler--trumpet, flugel horn, synth
Bruce Fowler--trombone
Paul Carman--alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
Albert Wing--tenor sax
Kurt McGettrick--baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
Scott Thunes--electric bass, Minimoog
Chad Wackerman--drums, electronic percussion


Syria Mosque, Pittsburgh
February 25, 1988

My name is Swaggart
I am an asshole
All my friends,
They call me 'Jim'
(Hi, Jim!)
I'm from Louisiana,
I make lots of money,
But I fucked up
And commited a sin

Come out here to Californy,
Just to find me
Some pretty girls
(No shit!)
The ones I seen
Gets me so horny;
Ruby lips,
'N teeth like pearls!

Wanna love 'em all!
In the name of Jesus!
Wanna pretty girl--
I'll even pay!
I'll buy 'em furs!
I'll buy 'em jewelry!
I'll never fuck them;
Here's what I say:

I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim!
(Speakin' atcha!)
I only give 'em the tips of him!
(Posin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance,
On this here prostitute . . .
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(He's lonesome Cowboy Jim
Look at the tip of him!)
Come on in this place,
'N I'll buy you a taste,
You can sit on my face--
Where's my prostitute/waitress?

Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (thank you!)
Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (yessir!)

I'm an awful nice guy! (so you say)
I sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah)
I'm a preacher by trade,
Quite a bundle like me,
And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble
Son-of-a-gun!
(He's a unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun!)
Fill in the blank!

When I get off, I get,
When I get off, I get,
When . . . I, I, I, I,
And then, Sharkey says:
When I get off (pfft!)
I get sinful
(Just the tip! Only the tip now, come on)
I spoo
Till I goo
On the rug
Then I find me
Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann--, Louisiana style prostitute
And make her do pornographic stunts while I watch
And I have
So much fun
Jay-zus! Jay-zus!
(Pornographic stunts and I have so much fun)
(What?)

I huff
And I puff
(Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche)
And I pump up my sanctified erection
Till my cheeks
Puff up
An' turn red
Along with my neck
(Say, varmint!)
I drool
On my shirt
Takes a little while before I squirt
But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet
UH-OH!
Made a mistake this time!
Now I've sinned
Everybody!
(What an asshole!)
Made a mistake and I sinned, uh!
Made a mistake and I sinned, ow!
Made a mistake and I sinned, what?
Made a mistake and I sinned

Lonesome Cowboy Jim!
(Sinnin' atcha!)
Come smell this fringe-y shirt!
(Grinnin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance,
On this here prostitute . . .
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(HE'S LONESOME COWBOY JIM/SCOTT,
BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO
Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat)
(Oh, tune me in now)
Come on in this place,
An' I'll buy you a taste,
'N you can sit on my face--
Where's my prostitute?