Lyrics:

Eddie, are you kidding? I've seen you on my TV
Eddie, are you kidding? The people always ask me

I saw your double knits, I thought they were the pits
You threw it in a bag and then you sent me home, what!?

Eddie, are you kidding? No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding? No, no!

Eddie, are you teasing about your rancid garments?
Eddie, are you teasing about your sixty tailors?

I'm coming over shortly because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me in a fifty dollar suit, oh

Eddie, are you kidding? No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding? No, no!

Eddie!
My friends ask me, Eddie, Eddie, are you kidding?
I wanna tell you something, my friends, I am not kidding
Here at Zachary All, we have sixty tailors in the back room
We have the west's largest selections of portly's
Regulars, longs, extra longs, and cadets
And my friends say to me, 'Eddie
Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?'
Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?
And I tell them, I'll tell you something frankly, my friends
When the new double knits first came out, I was not impressed
But as you can see, these pants I'm wearing are double knit
They stretch in all the right places
They're the most comfortable
Our model Twiggy here will demonstrate
I have this lovely little Seersucker
Wait a minute

Where can I go in Gardena?
And where can I go in L.A?
And where can I go in Rosemont?
I need some threads today
I need the knits, the double knits
I need the knits, they are the pits
I need the knits, the double knits

I'm coming over shortly, because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me in a fifty dollar suit, whew!

Eddie, are you kidding? No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding? No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding? No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?

No, my friends, I am not kidding
Right here on the Miracle Mile
We have the west's largest selection of
Portly, regular, cadet, tall and long
And not only that
My brother Jake and Little Emil, and Sixty tailors!