Lyrics:

Well, I Was Feelin' Sad And Feelin' Blue,
i Didn't Know What In The World I Was Gonna Do,
them Communists They Wus Comin' Around,
they Wus In The Air,
they Wus On The Ground.
they Wouldn't Gimme No Peace. . .

so I Run Down Most Hurriedly
and Joined Up With The John Birch Society,
i Got Me A Secret Membership Card
and Started Off A-Walkin' Down The Road.
yee-Hoo, I'm A Real John Bircher Now!
look Out You Commies!

now We All Agree With Hitlers' Views,
although He Killed Six Million Jews.
it Don't Matter Too Much That He Was A Fascist,
at Least You Can't Say He Was A Communist!
that's To Say Like If You Got A Cold You Take A Shot Of Malaria.

well, I Wus Lookin' Everywhere For Them Gol-Darned Reds.
i Got Up In The Mornin' 'n' Looked Under My Bed,
looked In The Sink, Behind The Door,
looked In The Glove Compartment Of My Car.
couldn't Find 'em . . .

i Wus Lookin' High An' Low For Them Reds Everywhere,
i Wus Lookin' In The Sink An' Underneath The Chair.
i Looked Way Up My Chimney Hole,
i Even Looked Deep Inside My Toilet Bowl.
they Got Away . . .

well, I Wus Sittin' Home Alone An' Started To Sweat,
figured They Wus In My T.v. Set.
peeked Behind The Picture Frame,
got A Shock From My Feet, Hittin' Right Up In The Brain.
them Reds Caused It!
i Know They Did . . . Them Hard-Core Ones.

well, I Quit My Job So I Could Work Alone,
then I Changed My Name To Sherlock Holmes.
followed Some Clues From My Detective Bag
and Discovered They Wus Red Stripes On The American Flag!
that Ol' Betty Ross . . .

well, I Investigated All The Books In The Library,
ninety Percent Of 'em Gotta Be Burned Away.
i Investigated All The People That I Knowed,
ninety-Eight Percent Of Them Gotta Go.
the Other Two Percent Are Fellow Birchers . . . Just Like Me.

now Eisenhower, He's A Russian Spy,
lincoln, Jefferson And That Roosevelt Guy.
to My Knowledge There's Just One Man
that's Really A True American George Lincoln Rockwell.
i Know For A Fact He Hates Commies Cus He Picketed The Movie Exodus.

well, I Fin'ly Started Thinkin' Straight
when I Run Outa Things To Investigate.
couldn't Imagine Doin' Anything Else,
so Now I'm Sittin' Home Investigatin' Myself!
hope I Don't Find Out Anything . . . Hmm, Great God!