Lyrics:

Id Like To Have An Argument, Please.
certainly, Sir. Have You Been Here Before
no, This Is My First Time.
i See. Well, Were You Thinking Of Taking A Five Minute Argument Or A Course
well, Whats The Cost
its 1 For A Five Minute Argument, But Its 8 For A Course Of Ten.
i Think Ill Take The Five Minutes And See How It Progresses.
very Well. Now, Mr. Hayward Isnt Free At The Moment, Nor Is Mr. Baker.
here We Go, Mr. Maynard, Room 12.
thank You.
what Do You Want!
well, I Was Told Outside--
dont Give Me That, You Snotty-Faced Heap Of Parrot Droppings!
what!
shut Your Festering Gob, You Tit!
your Type Really Makes Me Puke, You Pervert!
what Are You Doing! I Came In Here For An Argument!
oh! Im Sorry, But This Is Abuse.
oh, That Explains It.
yes, You Want Room 12a. Next Door.
thank You.
not At All. (Door Shuts) Stupid Git.
is The Right Room For An Argument
ive Told You Once.
no, You Didnt.
yes, I Did.
when
just Now.
no, You Didnt.
yes, I Did.
no, You Didnt.
excuse Me. Is The Five Minute Argument Or The Half Hour
oh, Just The Five Minute.
thank You. Anyway, I Did Tell You.
no, You Most Certainly Did Not.
lets Get One Thing Straight I Most Definitely Told You.
no, You Didnt.
yes, I Did.
no, You Didnt.
yes, I Did.
no, You Didnt.
yes, I Did.
this Isnt An Argument!
yes, It Is.
no, It Isnt. Its Just Contradiction.
no, It Isnt.
yes, It Is. You Just Contradicted Me.
no, I Didnt.
yes, You Did.
no, No, No.
you Did Just Then.
thats Ludicrous.
oh, This Is Futile.
no, It Isnt.
i Came In Here For A Good Argument.
no, You Didnt. You Came In Here For An Argument.
well, Argument Isnt The Same As Contradiction.
can Be.
no, It Cant.
an Argument Is A Collective Series Of Statements Intended To Establish A Proposition.
no, It Isnt.
yes, It Is. It Isnt Just Contradiction.
look, If I Argue With You. I Must Take A Contrary Position.
but It Isnt Just Saying No, It Isnt.
yes, It Is.
no, It Isnt. Arguments An Intellectual Protest,
contradiction Just The Automatic Opposite Of Any Statement The Other Person Makes.
no, It Isnt.
yes, It Is.
not At All.
now, Look-- (Bell Dings)
good Morning.
what
thats It. Good Morning.
i Was Just Getting Interested.
im Sorry, The Five Minutes Is Up.
that Was Not Five Minutes.
im Afraid It Was.
oh, No, It Wasnt. (Argument Professional Looks Around The Room)
im Sorry, But Im Not Allowed To Argue Anymore.
what
if You Want To Go On Arguing Youll Have To Pay For Another Five Minutes.
but That Was Not Five Minutes, Just Now. (Professional Whistles) Oh, Come On.
if You Want To Continue Arguing, You Must Pay For Another Five Minutes.
oh, Fine. Here.
thank You.
well
well What
that Was Not Five Minutes, Just Then.
i Told You, You Have To Pay.
i Just Paid.
no, You Didnt.
yes, I Did.
no, You Didnt.
i Dont Want To Argue About That.
well, You Didnt Pay.
ah, But If I Didnt Pay, Why Are You Arguing Aha! Got You.
no, You Havent.
yes, I Have. If Youre Arguing, I Must Have Paid.
not Necessarily. I Could Be Arguing In My Spare Time.
oh, Ive Had Enough Of This.
no, You Havent.
oh, Shut Up!