Lyrics:

Now I dont mind if fifty thousand yobos pick(? beat?) me up outside a
Football ground on a Saturday afternoon. Ill still come out fighting.
Dyou know why? Youve seen me on television. Im the lowest common
Denominator. And this is all about your(yob?) culture. So welcome to jolly
Ol England! Im the stand up comic.

Jack the Lad has become Oscar Wilde
And the followers of style say its the latest thing
And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week
And anyone who says different is a fuckin antique
And Noel Coward has become very hard(?)
And the comic says bollocks and everybody laughs
And thats that

Style, I mean
Never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And the clown does a belch and we all belch back
And thats that

Jack the Lad has become Fancy Dan
And creating agro(?) culture with a rub-on tan
And all the tearaways(?) have got savior faire
And the working class heros got a tinted hair(?)
And a well-spoken hero from a yesteryear
Walks out onto a stage and they all shout queer!
And thats that

Manners, I mean
Never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And now the clown does a fart and we all fart back
And thats that

Stand up, stand up
Can you hear me at the back?
All you wide (white?) boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts
And we all shout back
And the mob says follow so we go

Stand up, stand up
Can you hear me at the back?
All you wide (white?) boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts
And we all shout back
And the mob says follow so we go
And thats that

What do you think of it so far?
I knew youd say that
Youve been watching too much television
Together now!

Jack the Lad has become Oscar Wilde
And the followers of style say its the latest thing
And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week
And anyone who says different is an antique
And Noel Coward has become very odd(?)
And the comic says bollocks and everybody laughs
And thats that

Style, I mean
Never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And the clown does a belch and we all belch back
And thats that

All together now!
Stand up, stand up
Can you hear me at the back?
All you wide (white?) boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts
And we all shout back
And the mob says follow so we go

Stand up, stand up
Can you hear me at the back?
All you wide (white?) boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts
And we all shout back
And the mob says follow so we go
And thats that

Well, Im going down the pub now. Youre welcome to join me if you
Like but I know you wont. Youve all been watching too much
Television. Well Ill be in the public bar, minding my own business.