Lyrics:

Well, I was feelin sad and feelin blue,
I didnt know what in the world I was gonna do,
Them Communists they wus comin around,
They wus in the air,
They wus on the ground.
They wouldnt gimme no peace. . .

So I run down most hurriedly
And joined up with the John Birch Society,
I got me a secret membership card
And started off a-walkin down the road.
Yee-hoo, Im a real John Bircher now!
Look out you Commies!

Now we all agree with Hitlers views,
Although he killed six million Jews.
It dont matter too much that he was a Fascist,
At least you cant say he was a Communist!
Thats to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria.

Well, I wus lookin everywhere for them gol-darned Reds.
I got up in the mornin n looked under my bed,
Looked in the sink, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldnt find em . . .

I wus lookin high an low for them Reds everywhere,
I wus lookin in the sink an underneath the chair.
I looked way up my chimney hole,
I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.
They got away . . .

Well, I wus sittin home alone an started to sweat,
Figured they wus in my T.V. set.
Peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet, hittin right up in the brain.
Them Reds caused it!
I know they did . . . them hard-core ones.

Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
And discovered they wus red stripes on the American flag!
That ol Betty Ross . . .

Well, I investigated all the books in the library,
Ninety percent of em gotta be burned away.
I investigated all the people that I knowed,
Ninety-eight percent of them gotta go.
The other two percent are fellow Birchers . . . just like me.

Now Eisenhower, hes a Russian spy,
Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy.
To my knowledge theres just one man
Thats really a true American: George Lincoln Rockwell.
I know for a fact he hates Commies cus he picketed the movie Exodus.

Well, I finly started thinkin straight
When I run outa things to investigate.
Couldnt imagine doin anything else,
So now Im sittin home investigatin myself!
Hope I dont find out anything . . . hmm, great God!