Lyrics:

Yever dial someone on the phone and forget who youre calling?



Yever look at yourself in store windows when youre passing stores? Hey, man. I look cool in the store window, man. Every now and then you have a storefront that has a forty-five degree angle and you walk into yourself. Hey, man. I look cool walking into myself, man.



Dyever look at the crowds in old movies and wonder if theyre dead yet? I do. They show a close-up of an old guy. What mo..year is that movie? 1931? That guys dead. Hes dead. Come in here, Phil. Theres a dead guy on TV. He wasnt dead then, but hes dead now. Look at that guy there. He is now dead, that guy.



Yever try to throw away an old wastebasket? Ya cant do it, man. People keep bringin it back to ya. Hey, your wastebasket was in the garbage! Heh, heh! You have to really stomp on it to throw it away, yknow? Close the hole so its not useful anymore.



Yever hear this in your house? Wheres the good scissors? I cant keep anything nice in this house. And I want my good tape measure back. Uh, the good tape measure, not the one with thirty-eight inches missing in the middle, right?



Heres something you hear. Mostly men say this around the house. Who stole my underwear? Somebody stole my underwear! Which ones? This weeks underwear! Yknow, they came in here and they went right for the underwear. And thats all they took. It was a surgical strike.



Bacon. Have you ever noticed under all the neat horizontal strips..sweet, nice, neat...underneath, theres always one weird piece of bacon?