Lyrics:

So many presents, so little time,Santa won't be
coming around my house this year,'cos I tried to
drown my sister and I pierced my ear,Oh mama made it
perfectly clear,Santa don't like bad
boys...especially Jewish ones.Gnip-gnop and lego
blocks are all that I desire,so why did I have to set the
pizza guy's hair on fire,I told him I was sorry,I'm a liar, so no toys for me...I don't
deserve them.I couldn't wait for a big wheel as
the holiday neared,but then I told my grandma that she had
a beard.Dear Santa,I know what my
problem is, why I can't be good, it's a fear of
intimacy.You see my whole life whenever I've met
someone really great like you andI keep feeling like
I'm getting close to them, something inside me makesme want to screw it up. So in a weird way the reason I'm
so bad is becauseI love you santa.Rock-em
Sock-em Robots is what I was hoping for,but then I made a
death threat to vice president Gore,oh santa won't be
knocking on my door,'cos he's a big fat
whore...what made me say that?Chutes and ladders
would be so good indeed,so why'd I have to sell that
cop a bag of weed,so Santa please give me that easy bake
oven,I swear I thought billy goats we're made for
lovin'.So Santa won't you accept my
apologies,Santa can't you see I'm begging you
please,oh Santa next year I'll do you right,Live from New York it's Saturday night...